High Heels & Hair Spray

Having A Moment

2007-10-02T19:37:00.000-07:00

Is it just me or am I the only one who gets stuck in the checkout line behind the lady who feels the need to tell the cashier her entire life story. To ramble on and on AND on about why she is sending the fax which by the way is of no urgent importance and has something to do with a family tree. Meanwhile I am standing there holding a fax of a large order that I am trying to fax into the corporate office by a certain time so that it counts toward this weeks commission check.

I can not decide if I have just turned into a bitch from hell or if I am just so pushed for time lately that the little things set me off.

To be honest I think I'm having one of those single working Mom moments. You know the one where I just want to open a bottle of wine and sit in a corner and drink from the bottle moments. The moment where I just am tired. The moment where I break down and say to myself I can't do it all today. The moment where I completely ready to move in with Rock Star and have that help there. Knowing that after a nine hour work day, then fixing dinner, then running to Laine's volleyball game, then putting Evan to bed I could run to Walmart and buy birthday gifts at 10pm. As a single Mom I have to figure out where in my work day I can take an hour off to run to Walmart.

A Scene From A Movie

2007-09-23T09:33:00.000-07:00

I love movies, I love all types, ones that make me laugh, ones that make me cry, ones that provoke thoughts.

Maybe I love them because they remind me to slow down. Watching a story unfold of someone's life, realizing that in some odd way that life mimics yours. Maybe it's realizing that you are not living your life to the fullest, maybe it is realizing the humor in a dark situation.

Music and Movies -- hmmm maybe I should start a blog to review music and movies.

Friday Night Lights

2007-09-21T20:10:00.000-07:00

Another football game gone and in the books. Although we lost the game, the memory of it being a warm beautiful fall night is burned into my memories. Watching Laine cheer, Evan running around playing football in the grass with his little friends and watching Bright interact with his friends and girlfriend.

This..........is what it is all about.

Old Friends and Renewed Friendships

2007-09-18T20:52:00.000-07:00

You would all be so proud of me tonight. I did the whole soccer Mom thing. Funny how I now say that like it is a chore when that phrase defined who I was with my older two children when they were Evan's age. However, now as a single Mom I don't always have the time (nor the patience) to do the whole "Mommy bonding" thing with other Mothers. For those of you who are new to my blog please read my previous blog on single parenting.

My "soccer Mom" routine now consists of looking at the calendar each morning to see who has what event each evening. Then planning my day to arrange how quickly I need to be home by to run what child where or to be able to be at one of their events. I arrive at these events still in my work clothes (professional and hip) while other Mothers sit comfortably on the bleachers in their jeans & t-shirts.

So this past weekend I received a call from an old friend (okay a friend). Old I mean by she was my neighbor when I was married to my ex. Her husband is still good "drinking buddies" with my ex and she is as well friends with my ex in-laws. Sheri is a wonderful woman whom to be honest I do miss her friendship. My divorce was complicated, messy, just plain icky. I left a man who was emotionally abusive my whole marriage, who physically abused me the last year, and has an alcohol problem. However, like most men who are like this they come off very sweet to others. My ex is often referred to as the sweetest man. I always get the "Oh my God how could you two divorce?". No one knew what went on behind the closed doors. Then when I finally left I was made out to be a woman who abandanded this "great man" and her kids. I was from a very small community and in my mind I was done. I moved to a larger town 20 miles away and I felt no need to justify myself. I wanted a fresh start. So I rarely went home and when I did I refused to bash my children's father as he had done to me.

Anyway Sheri calls me and invites Evan to "bring a friend night" at her son Dirk's Tae Kwan Do. Of course Dirk has already talked to Evan about this so I am pretty much stuck with going. She offers to pick me up and wants to take the boys out to dinner. See Sheri and I were pregnant together the summer of 2000 with our boys so we did have a bond. I agree although I have that pit in my stomach. I imagine all the horrible things she has heard about me and I stress about the whole thing most of my work day. In fact I think I came up with four or five reasons to cancel. However, I stepped up and went.

In the end - it was fine. We talked and although I struggled to find things to talk about (I mean can I talk about how happy I am with Rock Star to her?) it was nice to feel a part of the Mommy group. As we left she said "Lorelai I've missed this - I've missed you".

So I suppose in the end - maybe people realize that all things are not true. Or maybe they just are able to look past it. Will I ever be able to ask these two over for dinner and cards with Rock Star and I? I doubt it, but it will be nice to have a friendly face at school functions again.

Football Movies

2007-09-15T19:46:00.000-07:00

What is it about a feel good football movie that gets me everytime? I just finished watching Invincible and damn it I ended up with tears in my eyes! I've seen Remember The Titans it seems like a thousand times and yet.....yup I still get watery eyes. Oooy!

Sunday Morning Thoughts.........

2007-08-26T08:56:00.000-07:00

I skipped church today. As the alarm clock went off and I realized that I not only didn't have any kids with me today, but Rock Star was also not around this weekend (he has his kids). I then smiled a bit of a devilish smiled and went soundly back to sleep in my VERY quite apartment. I was awoken a couple of hours later with a text message that read "miss u next to me this morning". Awww.....

Okay so I am up, I am having coffee and I am looking at the pile of paperwork in front of me. Oh....and the huge pile of Ebay I yet need to post. Guess I know what I am doing today. So before I start my day with that I decided to blog walk a while and found some great new blogs I can not wait to keep reading. I also decided to write a post of just a few random things on my mind.

1. Laine's first football game of the season she cheered at was this past Friday. Now for those of you who do not know I am a HUGE football fan. I could not wait to walk past the field to the bleachers, hear the sound of those boys crunching each other. But I also could not wait to see Laine cheer as this is one of her passions. Now it had been raining on and off all day so I came prepared with my umbrella and although it lightly rained on and off the 1st quarter and then a little heavier the 2nd quarter toward the end of the 2nd quarter it lightened up a bit. The boys were sliding everywhere, mud was flying.....it was a football players dream.....lol Then right after half time ended the wind picked up. Us parents looked at each other and rolled our eyes and we all said "At least it is warm - at least this is not October and it is freezing rain". Just about then the clouds opened up. Downpour was not the word - winds were blowing, umbrellas were upside down. Evan finally decided that playing in the rain was no longer fun. This was more monsoon like. And of course the game goes on as long as there is no lightening. So at 10:15pm we were finally walking back to our cars - completely soaked. As I had texted Rock Star he noted that his daughters cheer team does not cheer if it is like that outside. I texted back that they were wimps. So here is to my daughters cheer team!!!!

2. Fall is one of my favorite times of the year. I love the smell of the crisp leaves in the air, Halloween is by far my 2nd favorite holiday! Pumpkins, dried arrangements of corn stalks, mums.....ah I get a smile just thinking of those things. However, along with late summer and fall come my allergies. Yes seasonal hay fever! Ugh - the ragweed dries out and begins to float through the air, corn dust, soybean dust, you name it. The sneezing begins!

3. Speaking of allergies....last night Laine decides to drop by for a visit even though it is her weekend with her Dad. She calls me and tells me she will stop by in a while. Well a "while" comes and goes and no Laine. I figure by now she decided to do something with her friends. Then suddenly the door opens. There stands Laine with a tiny petite kitten. Oh NO! "Mommy look at her...isn't she precious?" "Yes Laine she IS adorable". (Laine calls me Mommy when she is wanting something) "Laine I am not keeping her here you will need to keep her at your Dad's" "Ok (sneeze) Mom, but (sneeze) isn't she cute" "Um yes Laine she is cute, but what are you going to do with her while you are at school?" "Oh...hmmm (sneeze) I didn't think about that" "Well you will have to keep her inside becuase the dogs at your Dad's will eat her in one chomp" "Okay (sneeze) Mom" by now I am laughing quite hard at her sneezing. It seems in her moment of weakness and not thinking of the future she seemed to forget that cats make her sneeze. She has this problem when we go to my Mother's house for any even. I was a good Mom though I took her to a late night run to Walmart to buy bowls and kitten food (I made her pay) and then promptly sent her off to her Dad's to show him the surprise.....hahahaha. I must admit this kitten (named Nina) was a charmer. She was not only a snuggler, but with the smallest bit of petting she started purring.

3. I am finally in my apartment. I just didn't see the need to pay for a house when I spend so little time there. The apartment Laine and Evan love and it is in a nice neighborhood. My long term goals are with Rock Star so I just didn't see a need to spend extra money on a house I do not intend to keep. Instead I'm saving the extra money in rent with the apartment toward the house Rock Star and I want to buy in a couple of years.

4. Go BEARS!!! Enough Said!

5. This week I decided to make this blog more of what I always dreamed of. I may not be the best writer in the world but writing clears my head. It seems to help me deal with whatever is going on at the moment. In the future weeks I will be researching how to join several blogging communities that I see elsewhere. I am also looking at hosting my own site. I just must commit to make time!

6. My new book purchase by one of my favorite authors Joyce Meyer is "Approval Addiction: Overcoming the Need to Please". Hello......yup that is me 100%. I can't wait to start reading!

Mondays To Remember

2007-08-21T20:41:00.000-07:00

There are a couple of things on my mind to write about tonight. I had a hard time deciding on which to write about, so I tossed a coin. Below is what won.

Without going into too many details I work in the beauty industry. I am a sales rep for a very well known distributor in my state. The owners are quite well known all over the US as great business people who help our clients succeed. We distribute seven product lines, one being very VERY well known. You see their ads in fashion magazines and I would say 98% of women know who this is and several men do as well. The owner of this particular product line in quite famous as well. You see his face in the ads and he is often seen with famous actors such as Brad Pitt and other A list famous people.

For weeks I have been told how he is very down to earth, very giving, etc.

Last night I had the opportunity to meet this man. Now this was my first what I would call "A" list celebrity that I had ever had the opportunity to meet. On one had I was a bit excited to be a part of this event taking place and yet on the other it meant another night I had to find someone to watch Evan. The Mom in me was torn by the career woman and this is not a pretty place to be.

The event was in the city. As I parked my car and stepped out I stood tall, I took in the wonderful summer air. I straightened my little black dress and pulled the strap up on my high heel. I began to walk the four block walk to the venue. The venue is situated in the middle of brownstone homes with iron fences, cobblestone walkways and streets with old street lighting. Shops have been redone in the latest brick & stucco patterns. I walk past two beautiful fountains. I passed little martini bars and coffee shops filled with people relaxing after work. I walked along the cobblestone walkway smiling and saying hello to the patrons sitting in the outdoor tables. As I walked I ran into others on their way to the event. Each of us in our black dresses, men in their black pants and hip oxford shirts. WE all looked quite fab! I finally stopped in my heels and looked around and took in the moment. This small town girl from a town that is no larger of 500 people is here. HERE! In the middle of this moment. It felt a bit story book.

I am not really one to hang on a famous name or person. My heroes in life are not famous people, but at this moment I must admit it felt pretty good. I.....ME....yeah ME. I was in the middle of these beautiful people and I knew at the end of the evening I would be the one sitting at the table with the man himself not the majority of people walking next to me. Yeah this was a fun evening and gave me even more to want and achieve for. I must admit a little taste of that life can leave you wanting more of it.

So okay I am glad I went, although this will not be the last time I get to spend time and see this man as working with this company means many more events to come. Oh and Yes! What everyone said was true, he gave a wonderful speech and was very gracious. I watched him give up his seat for a woman he did not know with a baby and I watched him take time for each person to say thank you for selling my product. He wants you to believe in him and the product.

Wonder if you all can guess who this is................

Just Another Friday Night

2007-08-17T21:18:00.000-07:00

Finally a free evening that I had some time to post. Life has been hectic as usual. Work is going well and I have landed two new accounts, but the traveling is....well.....exhausting!

The kids went back to school today - OMG Bright is a senior! How can this be I'm only 35...okay so yeah I know how it happened, but maybe more where did the time go. It truly seems like a few years ago he was a little boy. As I watched him mowing the yard the other day with his shirt off it hit me that he was a man. How did I miss how much his muscles have grown from him working out. The six pack, that perfect slim "v" shape. Yup - he is no longer my little boy. Now of course I knew this already since his girlfriend seems to "slurp" on him at every chance, but I am just going to sail down the "river of de-nial" with that one. He has grown from a good boy who helped out around the house to Mom's protector after the divorce. He picks me up and swings me each time he hugs me and swears he'll kill "rock star" if he hurts me.

The kids are with their Dad this weekend, Rock Star and although I am really ready for a quiet lounge weekend we are not that lucky. Tomorrow will be filled with the standard chores of mowing, gardening, laundry, cleaning, etc. Tomorrow night is a band gig. Which I am glad for honestly. I finally have some of my girlfriends meeting up with me so I'll be able to really let loose and dance while he sings.

Oh look at the time......I think this thirtysomething girl is going to head to bed.

Movies, Vince Gill & The Apple

2007-07-27T21:30:00.000-07:00

You must be thinking what the hell kind of a blog title is that.....ah keep reading my friends.

2 tickets to Harry Potter - $14.75
popcorn & two sodas - $11.25
having to sit through 7 minutes of commercials before the previews......ANNOYING!

It seems it has become a delicate timing issue to arrive at the movie theater in time to see the preview but miss the commercials.

At first the "hidden commercials" came a few years ago. They were the ones with the mini movies for coke etc. Then last year American Express had the Robert Deniro and Ellen Degeneres ones. Okay I can stomach both sets of those, they didn't annoy me. However, when I have to sit through a 60 visual throw up of Snuggle softener, Fe-breeze, and something else well I get simply pissed. Where am I at???? Home in the middle of the day with soap operas on? Seriously! Oh and then there is the Vince Gill sell out.......not that I am a huge Vince Gill fan, but I did respect him as a musician.....that is until now, after I was forced to sit through 60 seconds (it felt like 3 minutes) of him singing some fucking underwear ballad with the Apple from the Fruit of the Loom brand. Did someone, somewhere find this amusing???? Worse yet I realize that I PAID to see this!

Thank God we finally got to the previews where once I saw the preview for Get Smart it totally changed my mood. Harry Potter by the way was COMPLETELY AWESOME!

Music Within My Soul

2007-07-27T16:01:00.000-07:00

Music is a daily part of my life. It can pump me up or relax me. Since 4th grade I have been involved with music, I play piano, I sing, and I date a man who has been a musician for 25+years. I have and continue to pass my love and passion on to my children.

Now I could go on about my love, but what I really want to do is tell you about a favorite movie.

School of Rock - ok so Jack Black is not for everyone. But this movie is awesome! The part that you can currently see on a commercial where he is teaching the drummer how to play the drum beat. How excited he gets when that kid gets it (even though it doesn't sound quite right yet).....that is love. The love of passing on the passion of music.

My high school band teacher was a tame Jack Black, he was young and fresh out of college. He was passionate about music, he brought us not only the classics but the current fads.

I think I love this movie for the simple fact of there is a rock star in all of us a bit. In our cars, in our showers, alone cleaning the house! I'm the girl with ACDC, Jack Johnson, Def Leppard, John Mayer, Disturbed, Enya, Mozart, Dean Martin among others on my Ipod.

Here is to finding your love of music......

Bad Blogger Bad

2007-07-27T14:55:00.000-07:00

I know, I know I have been a bad blogger lately. However, with the final stretch of my training and dealing with Ex Husband issues I have not had any energy nor creative fibers flowing through my veins.

Yesterday officially marked my end of training. I am now out and about in my territory and I could not be happier. Tonight Evan and I are spending some much needed Mom and Son time together! I'm thinking we'll catch a movie a bit later.

I did spend last weekend with Rock Star which was just a wonderful quiet adult weekend. Late night movies, drinks and games of cribbage on the deck by the moonlight (or deck lights), mornings spent sleeping in followed by morning coffee and sharing a newspaper, talks of future plans & the kids, planning a mini vacation for just us. Some much needed down time!!! He has a gig tonight and although I usually go to all gigs, tonight is a Mommy night for me and I am fine with that. Rock Star will text me all through the gig and then we'll talk when he gets home late as he has kids tonight too.

Upcoming topic.......my first true love.....music!

The Dark Side

2007-07-19T06:44:00.000-07:00

Although my last couple of posts have been light and fun one of the reasons for me to begin to blog was to be able to journal my thoughts and feelings.

Without going into a huge history of my life up until this point I will try to give a little back ground. Pregnant at 17, married at 17 (we will say pushed that way from my parents), married for 14 years, now divorced for about 4 1/2. Ex husband was/is an alcoholic, mentally abusive and in the end physically abusive.

My ex husband has not moved on. He has not dated in the last four years nor is he looking. I am the woman who few people know that my ex husband is a nut. I still get phone calls at 2am, 4am, etc telling me I am a whore, bitch, c*nt, etc. Currently there are 14 saved messages on my cell phone saved.

Yes I know I need an order of protection. I promise I am working on it. However, it has only been in the last year that I have been of the right enough mind to save those voice mails etc. You see he beat me down so much mentally that I thought I deserved to hear that stuff. Again it is a very long story.

The reason for this post -- I'm having a down day or maybe a down week. For the last week The Ex has been on his "bi-polar down swing" (what the kids and I call it). This is where he yells screams, etc. What makes this difficult is that I have been traveling and staying in hotels for the last three weeks with the training for my new job. He is so consumed with his feelings that I have not been able to talk to him about care for my 6 year old. It is awful. Monday & Tuesday I drove back home (a three hour drive) just so I could make sure my 6 year old was ok. I mean Laine can do fine, but she is 16 and this IS NOT her job. The guilt has consumed me this week. I took this job because it was an immediate 13k raise from my former job and it is commission so I know I will make more than the 13k in the near future. I took the job because it was a HUGE career opportunity. Although after training my overnight travel will be limited to three nights a month (one each week) right now I'm nuts. I have one more week of this left and I am so worried about next week as both Bright & Laine leave for their teen church camp Sunday which means the responsibility falls on The Ex.

Just an example -- last week I get a call from Laine -- her Dad had not come home from work and we both knew he had stopped at a bar. That night I had her take Evan to my grannies to stay, but her and Bright stayed at their Dad's. At 12:20 that night her Dad calls her. He wants her to come get him. He is at the police station as he had been pulled over for a DUI. WTF? he calls his 16 year old daughter to drive over an hour to a police station to pick him up at 12:20 at night? I was so enraged!!! This is just the tip of what I have documented in the last year. Yet the man calls me daily to tell me how everything is my fault and why don't I love him and why must I punish him etc.

The most difficult part of all of this is trying to make sure he is on track enough to arrange the child care and who is picking up our youngest from the sitter. I call to talk about that and all he wants to talk about is how awful I am.

Regardless of the details in the end I have to do what is best. I have put off going into court with an order of protection long enough. I must do this for not only me, but so that I may obtain full custody instead of joint and have some control with my children. It isn't that I want to take the kids away from him. That is not it at all. I need this to happen so that when I am out of town I can arrange for Garrett to stay with Rock Star or his Mother if I need to. This way I know he is safe and being loved on. Again I do not want to take time away from him (not that he would care since I have a page full of documentation where he went to the bar instead of spending time with his kids), but I need to be able to say to him regardless of how you feel about Rock Star Evan will be staying with him until I get back into town.

In the end this subject is deep and this will not be the last post on this subject. I continue to pray for God to help him, but after four years God still has not helped with it. As we all know we have to WANT to help ourselves.

Until next time....
L

Sunday Morning Drives

2007-07-16T06:37:00.000-07:00

I had a work function yesterday that required a two hour morning drive to the event. In the rush of grabbing my purse and putting on my heels I forgot to grab my cd's. So I quickly started flipping channels on the radio. Then suddenly there he was....Casey Kasem!

Holy Shit! I thought he is still alive wait alive and STILL on the radio? Why did I think goofy Ryan Seacrest took over his position? Wow! I could not help but to keep the channel there for a while and listen. BTW didn't Casey's top 40 used to be on Saturday mornings? I believe I clearly remember listening and it could not have been on Sundays because I would have been in church. When did they switch to Sundays?

I just remember my teen years, especially my early teen years (13 - 16), listening to him. I'm sure you all remember the long distant dedications, but do you remember having to listen all morning to catch the ONE song you wanted to "tape" on the tape deck? Remember you had to press record when the song started and stop it when it ended and you just prayed and hoped that Casey didn't talk over the last part of the song. Gosh -- I feel old now!!!

On another note, yesterdays long distant dedication was to a dead person. Hmmm just how long distant do his dedications go???

Saturday Nights Alright

2007-07-14T20:39:00.000-07:00

It's Saturday night and I am home alone with a glass of Pino blog walking and composing this entry. Wow! Super exciting huh?

Truth be told I should be working on Ebay stuff, but I just can not seem to get in the mood. Rock Star and I decided to take a road trip to Cleveland OH the last week in August and we thought we would up our item listing on Ebay to help put a little extra in the vacation budget. Might make the difference between the Fairfield and the Hilton. lol

The kids are with The Ex this weekend due to his family reunion. Normally I would be fine with it but since I have made the job switch and I have been traveling for the last three weeks out of town training I am a little sad over missing them. At least they were able to come with me for the week last week so it isn't like I am not seeing them. Thank God for Rock Star and my Granny helping me out through this.

Now normally on a weekend when the kids are with The Ex, I would be spending the weekend with Rock Star, but he took his kids on a mini vacation this weekend. So alas here I am alone on a Saturday night with my laptop and my glass of Pino. Honestly I must say I am quite content with that.

Speaking of Cleveland....does anyone know if there is anything else to do there OTHER than the Rock & Roll Hall of Fame?

Summer & TBall

2007-07-13T22:04:00.000-07:00

Tomorrow is the last t-ball game of the season for my little guy. Although I must admit that with the new job I am grateful that the season is closing. I live in a community where there are many stay at home mothers. Which is wonderful as I was one with my older two children. However, all season I have struggled, rushed, sped through traffic all to make it home by 4:30 to pick up my son and drive him to a practice that starts at 5pm.

Yes folks I said 5pm. What working parent is off work in time to get their child to a 5pm practice? Not many, I thank the lord my job is accommodating enough that I can work my schedule around that. However, as the season comes to an end I have to wonder how many little boys did not get to play tball this year because their parents work. I never connected with any of the other Mothers. In fact they seemed to avoid me like the plague when I showed up at practices in my business/dress attire. I must say it was intimidating to sit there alone and try to jump into conversations and quickly be shut out of them. One day I wanted to just scream..."HEY! I am a parent too, I am interested and have things to say on what you are talking about". Then as I sat there a little longer and watched my son wave from the field I thought "Fuck it". At 35 why do I feel I need the approval of these Mothers? I have good girlfriends and I am a good Mom. I am doing THE BEST I can and although I would enjoy to be able to stay at home each day with my son I am doing what is best for him by working and providing for him. I still bake cookies, we still play games, we still read. Even more I wondered why these women felt such a need to exclude me. I may never understand.

That being said it all comes down to finding a sport program that can accommodate the working parents. Fall soccer season is beginning and I am looking at taking my son into the next town over for soccer just due to the fact that their practices do not start until 6pm.